Staying Curious During the Holidays
The holidays bring together people we love — but also people who see the world differently. Whether it’s a heated debate about politics at the dinner table or a clash over family traditions, disagreements can feel inevitable.
In those moments, our brains often slip into defense mode. We want to prove a point, protect our values, or just make the discomfort stop. But what if, instead of reacting, we chose to stay curious?
Curiosity is one of the most powerful tools for protecting both your mental health and your relationships — especially when conversations get tough. Here’s how to practice it this holiday season.
Pause and check in
When someone says something that makes your heart race or your jaw tighten, pause. Notice your body’s reaction before responding. This moment of awareness interrupts the automatic “fight or flight” response that can fuel arguments.
You might silently ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What’s being stirred up in me?
That pause creates space for curiosity to enter the conversation.
Ask, don’t assume
Often, what we hear isn’t exactly what the other person means. Instead of jumping to conclusions, try gentle questions:
“Can you tell me more about what you mean by that?”
“That’s an interesting perspective — how did you come to feel that way?”
These questions aren’t about trapping someone or changing their mind. They’re about understanding the human experience behind their words. When people feel heard, tension usually softens.
Curiosity doesn’t mean agreement
Staying curious doesn’t mean you have to agree or stay silent about your own beliefs. It simply means you’re willing to understand before you respond. You can think, “I see where you’re coming from, even if I don’t share that view.”
That balance — holding space for both connection and boundaries — is a hallmark of emotional maturity.
Focus on connection, not correction
It’s tempting to want to “fix” a family member’s perspective, especially on issues that matter deeply to you. But most people don’t change their minds when they feel cornered; they open up when they feel respected.
Try focusing on how you’re relating instead of what you’re debating. You might find you actually share more values than you realized — like kindness, fairness, or love for family.
Take time to reflect
After a tough exchange, take a few minutes to reflect:
What helped me stay curious?
Where did I get defensive?
How can I take care of myself after this?
This kind of reflection helps strengthen your emotional resilience and self-awareness over time.
Curiosity is compassion!
Curiosity is an act of compassion. It says, “I care enough to understand you, even when we disagree.” During the holidays — when emotions can run high — that mindset can transform tense moments into opportunities for empathy and connection.
You don’t have to win every argument. But you may be able to stay open enough to keep important relationships, and your peace of mind, intact.