Check In With Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
There are many therapists that start their individual sessions with a “check-in.” Why is this important? For many of us we don’t take the time to ask ourselves how we are feeling. It can feel “easier” to stuff our feelings and power through each day without actually paying attention to our lived experience. Because we’re fine right? It may be “easier” in the moment to ignore or distract ourselves, but those thoughts, feelings, and experiences are still inside of us. Eventually these unresolved or undealt with feelings will come out in unhealthy ways such as anger, despair, substance use, self-harm, verbal abuse, dissociation, and/or feeling numb.
The benefit of checking in with ourselves is that we can notice and intervene when our anxiety is at a 5 out of 10 rather than waiting for a panic attack to alert us that something is wrong. Simply naming our emotions can decrease their intensity and once we name our emotion we can try a coping skill (deep breathing, going for a walk, talking about it etc.) to help us feel better.
To start this practice, I recommend:
Create a schedule or ritual to remind yourself to check in, such as first thing in the morning, at lunch, and before going to bed.
Identify your emotion. If you struggle with this, I recommend googling “emotion wheel”, which will help you develop a vocabulary for emotions.
Ask yourself “Is this what I'm feeling or is it something else.” This can help us get to the root emotion rather than the surface emotion.
Where do I feel this in my body? Is there tension anywhere? How fast is my heart beating? Frequently we first notice that we are not feeling ok based off of how our body feels.
Engage in a coping skill. It can be a something easy and quick such as taking deep breaths, standing and stretching your body, splashing cold water on your face, or reaching out to someone to talk about it.
What is contributing to this emotion? And don’t forget to check in to your basic needs: Am I hungry? How was my sleep? What is making me more emotionally vulnerable?
The more you practice checking in with yourself, the easier it will become. The more you check-in with yourself the more emotionally attuned you will become. The more emotionally attuned you become, the easier it will be to take care of your needs in healthy and appropriate ways. Practice makes progress.