Components of Healthy Relationships and How to Build Them: Part 1 of 5
In life, we cultivate a variety of relationships, including with family, romantic partners, friends, colleagues, neighbors, and acquaintances. Healthy, functioning relationships often include common elements that can be worked on as a team with the other person in the relationship.
*However, unhealthy relationships are different, and if you are concerned that you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence or abuse, please reach out for help. Locally to the Help Center at 406.586.3333 or the National Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE or text 88788 *
Communication
Effective communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, from your neighbor to your partner to your sibling. So often poor communication leads to misunderstandings, unaddressed needs or expectations, or unnecessary conflict or avoidance. Effective communication helps facilitate understanding and deepen emotional connection. Here are some tools and strategies for effective communication.
Active Listening. Active listening is making a conscious effort to hear and understand the speaker. When we actively listen, we demonstrate our attention with our focus and body language, limit our interruptions, and ask open-ended questions. Active listening involves committing all our attention to the speaker and engaging fully in the role of listener. Some techniques in active listening including sending non-verbal cues of support or reflecting what you hear, asking questions and seeking clarifying information, and summarizing and sharing what you heard. This technique can be very simple and very effective, and creates an environment for non-judgment and greater understanding.
“I feel” statements. This tool supports shifting from a pattern of communication that can lead to defensiveness, to expressing feelings and requesting change in an effective way. Here is the template:
“I feel __________________ (emotion) when _____________________________ (fact).
I imagine I feel this way because _______________________ (reflection without judgment).
In the future, I hope ________________________ (what can you control and work towards).”
The “I feel” statement can help to reduce defensiveness and promote understanding in communication, particularly during conflict. Here is an example:
“I feel frustrated when you leave dirty dishes in the sink. I imagine I feel this way because we decided we wouldn’t leave dishes in the sink. In the future, I hope I can support us in being consistent with this expectation.”
Reflective Listening. Reflective listening is a communication technique that includes paraphrasing and summarizing the speaker's message to ensure understanding and to show the speaker they are being hears. It involves focusing on both the content and the emotions and body language of the speaker. Reflective listening can improve effective communication, build rapport, and facilitate deeper understanding between individuals.
Rachel Brown, MSW, SWLC
Resources:
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-feeling-statements-425163
https://www.loveisrespect.org/
https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/blog/8-ways-you-can-improve-your-communication-skills/