You’re the One Showing Up: Helping Kids Thrive in Two Homes
This post is for you, the parent who has already accomplished so much despite overwhelming challenges. While I can’t fully imagine everything you’re going through, I see you, and I honor the strength it takes to keep showing up every day.
Being a co-parent isn't always a 50/50 emotional effort, and if you're reading this, there's a good chance you're the one doing the work.
You're the parent who keeps the schedule, sets the boundaries, makes the meals, answers the hard questions, and stays up late Googling things like "how to help my child adjust after visiting the other parent." You're not alone, and what you're doing matters more than you think.
As a therapist, I often work with parents who feel exhausted by the imbalance in their co-parenting dynamic. One home is structured, nurturing, and emotionally safe. The other? Maybe not. Maybe it’s chaotic, inconsistent, or checked-out. And yet, your child still goes back and forth, and you carry the emotional weight.
So, here’s the truth: children can still thrive in two homes when at least one is safe, consistent, and loving.
Why Your Presence Makes a Difference
Even if you’re the only one enforcing bedtime, asking how their day was, or helping them process big emotions, you’re offering something incredibly powerful: security.
Kids don't need two perfect parents. They need one safe adult who shows up again and again. You’re modeling emotional regulation, empathy, boundaries, and unconditional love. Those are lessons that stick.
What to Remember When It Feels Unfair
Let’s be honest, it is unfair. But here’s how to stay grounded when you're carrying more than your share:
Your consistency matters. Even if it feels thankless now, you're creating emotional safety that gives your child something to return to and rely on.
Avoid comparison. You’re building long-term trust, not competing for short-term approval.
Validate, don’t criticize. You can say, “I hear it’s hard when things feel different in each home,” without putting the other parent down. That helps your child feel heard without feeling like they have to choose sides.
Take care of you. The more regulated you are, the more safety your child feels. Get support, rest, and know it’s okay to set limits, for both you and them.
What Thriving Can Look Like
When at least one home is anchored in connection and emotional attunement, children can:
Learn how to regulate emotions
Build healthy attachment
Feel safe asking questions or expressing tough feelings
Develop adaptability and emotional insight
Yes, they'll still struggle sometimes. But over time, your presence becomes a roadmap for resilience, empathy, and stability.
Helpful Resources
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ A helpful tool for managing co-parenting communication, schedules, and documentation.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/splitopia/201611/6-steps-to-setting-limits-as-a-solo-parent Practical advice for parents navigating the challenges of solo parenting and establishing healthy boundaries.
Final Thoughts
If you’re the parent doing the heavy lifting, emotionally, practically, and everything in between, know this: it’s not invisible. You are shaping your child’s sense of safety and self-worth every single day.
And yes, it's exhausting. Yes, it's unfair. But it also matters deeply.
If you need space to process this or want support as you continue showing up for your child, therapy can be a powerful tool for both of you. You don’t have to do it alone.