Standing Beside, Not in Front: Supporting Abuse Survivors with Compassion
Watching someone you care about experiencing an abusive relationship can be heartbreaking, confusing, and frustrating. You might feel unsure of what to say, how to help, or whether you should get involved at all. It is important to remember that supporting someone in an abusive situation requires patience, empathy, and understanding, not judgment or pressure. Here are some ways that you can offer meaningful support while prioritizing safety and autonomy.
Believe Them
One of the most powerful things you can do is believe what they tell you. Many survivors of abuse fear that others will not take them seriously or might blame them for the situation. Validate their feelings and experiences without questioning or minimizing them.
Listen Without Judgment
It can be tempting to offer advice or immediately suggest they leave the relationship. But leaving an abusive relationship is complicated, and survivors often face emotional, financial, and physical barriers to leaving. Listen with empathy and allow them to share their story at their own pace.
Respect Their Autonomy
Even with good intentions, it is important to not take control or make decisions for them. Abuse thrives in situations where someone’s power and choices are taken away. Empower them by offering options, not ultimatums.
Educate Yourself on Abuse Dynamics
Understanding the emotional, psychological, and practical complexities of abuse can help you offer more informed, compassionate support. Domestic violence is not just physical; it can involve emotional, financial, sexual, and verbal abuse. You can learn about:
The cycle of abuse
Warning signs of control and manipulation
Barriers survivors face when leaving
Offer Practical Help
Survivors often need tangible support, especially if they are considering leaving. Depending on what they are comfortable with, you might:
Help them find a local domestic violence hotline or shelter
Offer a safe space for them to talk or stay temporarily
Assist with childcare or transportation
Help them gather important documents discreetly
Always follow their lead and respect their boundaries
Be Patient
Leaving an abusive relationship can take time. For many survivors it may take several attempts before leaving for good. Your continued, nonjudgmental support can make a lasting difference, even if it feels like progress is slow.
Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you have your own support system, set healthy boundaries, and seek professional guidance if needed.
Helpful Resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org
Love is Respect (for young people): 1-866-331-9474 or loveisrespect.org
Haven (Bozeman): (406) 586-4111 or https://havenmt.org/
YWCA (Billings): (406) 252-6303 or https://www.ywcabillings.org/