TV Through a Therapist’s Lens: Modern Family
Watching TV is a shared hobby for many of us, and while plenty of incredible shows contain meaningful lessons, I often find myself making comments or asking questions that others have described as being very "therapist" of me. That is what led to this blog post series!
In this series, I'll be reviewing popular TV shows through a therapeutic lens and exploring some of the lessons they offer about relationships, communication, mental health, and community.
The first show I want to talk about is one of my personal favorites: Modern Family.
The show follows three interconnected families. At the center is Jay Pritchett and his wife, Gloria. Jay has two adult children who make up the other two families featured in the series. First, there is Mitchell Pritchett and Cameron Tucker, a couple raising their adopted daughter, Lily. Then there is Claire Dunphy and her husband, Phil, who are raising their three children: Haley, Alex, and Luke. Gloria and her son, Manny, also become part of the larger family dynamic.
The premise is simple: this is a modern, blended family navigating life together. Throughout the show, challenges often arise because of avoidance, assumptions, or fear, leading to plenty of funny and sometimes ridiculous situations. However, the episodes almost always end with a heartfelt resolution. Modern Family carries two main "therapy lessons" that I have always appreciated.
Therapy Lesson #1: Relationships Don't Require Perfection
Jay is an older character who is often judgmental or "old-fashioned" in certain areas. At times, this creates tension and challenges for the people he loves. What I appreciate, however, is that Jay also demonstrates a willingness to reflect on the perspectives of others, even when it takes him some time to get there.
Likewise, the people around him often give him the space to grow when they challenge his thinking.
Many of us enter relationships with the belief that people we love should never make us uncomfortable. In reality, healthy relationships often require us to have difficult conversations. Relationships should be places where we feel safe enough to communicate vulnerably, express hurt, and work through conflict.
In Modern Family, family members often allow room for mistakes because they trust that Jay will eventually listen, even if not immediately. There is a foundation of love underneath the conflict.
It would also be unfortunate not to mention Mitchell and Jay's relationship. Many people learning to become allies to the LGBTQ+ community—often because their child has come out—fear saying the wrong thing. But queer kids are still kids, and no one wants to be rejected by the people they love most.
The show highlights the impact that leading with love, curiosity, and a willingness to learn can have, even when someone does not get it right the first time.
Therapy Lesson #2: "Normal" Isn't Nearly as Normal as We Think
Modern Family also invites us to reflect on how normal it is to not be "normal."
The show highlights many of the realities of everyday family life. Family gatherings can be messy. Conflict happens. Misunderstandings happen. While the situations are often exaggerated for comedy, they still reflect what it means to be connected to people who matter to us.
Most people have heard the saying, "It takes a village." I believe that applies to far more than parenting young children. Having a village means feeling safe, supported, and connected to your community.
When people become outsiders, finding that sense of belonging can be difficult and frightening. This can be especially true for individuals who belong to marginalized communities.
In the show, Jay could have decided to stay stuck in the past and refuse to grow. Mitchell could have decided that Jay no longer had a place in his life or in his daughter's life. Instead, they continue to show up for one another. They continue to choose connection, repair, and love.
That is something many of us can learn from.
As an important reminder, this does not apply to situations that are unsafe or harmful. There are absolutely circumstances where creating distance, setting firm boundaries, or going no contact is necessary and healthy. Choosing connection should never come at the expense of your safety or well-being.
One of the reasons I continue to love Modern Family is that beneath the humor, it reminds us that relationships are imperfect, families are complicated, and growth is possible. Sometimes the people we care about will disappoint us. Sometimes we will disappoint them. What matters is our willingness to keep learning, repairing, and showing up for one another when it is safe to do so.