Creating A Menu of Relaxation Skills
The human nervous system is exquisitely adapted to keep us safe. And thank goodness for that, because it means we can rely on our bodies to respond to danger in ways that optimize survival by going into fight, flight, or freeze mode.
On the other hand, in the aftermath of acute stress and trauma, we can become overly sensitized to cues of danger. This can cause the system to misread signals and become activated even when there is no threat, much like a false alarm.
When our system is activated, there are many practices and techniques that can help us get grounded. I'm often asked, "But how can I remember what to do in the moment when I'm overwhelmed?"
One recommendation is to practice these skills when the stakes are low. Experiment with grounding, breathing, and relaxation skills in response to minor annoyances and learn what works for you. Then, create a menu of your go-to practices and keep it somewhere you'll see it regularly: on your phone, next to your computer, or on your fridge.
Below are some strategies to get you started. This is not an exhaustive list, but rather a starter kit that you can tailor to your own needs and preferences.
Grounding – Feel the soles of your feet connecting with the floor or the earth. Wiggle your toes. Work your way up to your sit bones and back. Enjoy this moment of presence without judgment.
Orienting – Name four objects in your immediate surroundings, then three colors, two shapes, and one sound.
Focused Breathing – Inhale slowly through your nose (smell the flowers) and exhale through your mouth (blow out the candles). Repeat three times. On the inhale, breathe into your diaphragm and feel your abdomen expand. On the exhale, imagine releasing tension, busy thoughts, and worries from your body.
Push the Wall – Push against a wall with all your strength until your body tells you it's done pushing.
The Sacred Pause – When you're in the midst of a whirlwind of experience and operating on automatic pilot, allow yourself to pause and connect with your breath. This creates an opening in which you can choose how to respond rather than simply react (otherwise known as "don't just do something, stand there!").
Labeling – Gently name your experience. Sometimes simply identifying what is happening can help create a little more space around it.
Thoughts
Thinking
Worrying
Planning
Judging
Emotions
Sadness
Anger
Fear
Disappointment
Sensations
Tightness
Pounding heart
Numbness
Heaviness
Pressure
Pulsing
Do Your Favorite Self-Soothing Activity – Whether it's writing, spending time in nature, gardening, cooking, walking, or something else entirely, make time for activities that help you feel grounded and replenished. Treat yourself to something that brings you joy, and notice what helps your nervous system settle.