Navigating Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are a time of year when there’s joy, connection and celebration with friends and family. Everywhere you look, there are messages encouraging cheer, togetherness, and gratitude. But when you’re grieving, this season can feel painful and out of sync with the festive spirit around you and your inner world. If you are grieving this year, and the holidays feel heavier than you believe they should, know you are not alone — and that there is nothing wrong with you.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t pause for traditions or festivities, and during the holidays, grief often becomes louder, more present, and harder to ignore.
Why the Holidays can Intensify Grief
Holidays tend to magnify loss because they are filled with meaning, memory, and expectation. Traditions that once brought comfort may now highlight who is missing. Familiar smells, songs, and rituals can trigger waves of sadness or longing without warning.
There is also social pressure to appear “okay.” When the world seems to be celebrating, grief can feel isolating. Many people carry not only the pain of loss but also the burden of believing they should be further along or coping better by now. The truth is, grief has its own rhythm, and the holidays often disrupt whatever balance you may have found.
How Grief May Show Up This Season
Grief during the holidays can look different from day to day, even moment to moment. You might experience sudden sadness, irritability, emotional numbness, or a sense of disconnection from others. Your thoughts may drift to memories, regrets, or “if only” questions. Physically, you may notice fatigue, tension, difficulty sleeping, or changes in appetite.
Relationally, gatherings may feel overwhelming, or you may feel misunderstood by people who want to help but don’t know how. These responses are not signs of failure — they are common and human reactions to loss.
Give Yourself Permission
One of the kindest things you can do for yourself during the holidays is to give yourself permission. Permission to feel whatever arises without judgment. Permission to say no to invitations or to leave early. Permission to change traditions — or skip them altogether.
You are also allowed to experience moments of joy or laughter, even while grieving. These moments do not mean you have forgotten your loss or that your grief is less real. Grief and joy can coexist, even if that feels confusing or uncomfortable.
Gentle Ways to Support Yourself
Set boundaries that protect your energy. You do not need to attend every event or meet every expectation. Decide in advance what feels manageable and create an exit plan if emotions become overwhelming. Having simple phrases prepared — such as “I’m taking things day by day this year” — can make these decisions easier.
Honor your loved one in ways that feel right to you. Some people find comfort in lighting a candle, sharing a story, or incorporating remembrance into a tradition. Others prefer private rituals or quiet moments of reflection. There is no correct way to honor a loss — only what feels tolerable and meaningful to you.
Release the pressure to make the holidays feel a certain way. Instead of striving for joy or normalcy, consider approaching the season as something to move through with care. Allow this year’s holidays to look different. Let them be imperfect.
Supporting Others Who are Grieving
Grief within families can be complex, especially during the holidays. Children may express grief through behavior rather than words, or they may move in and out of grief quickly. Adults in the same family may cope in very different ways.
Naming the absence, allowing questions, and modeling honesty can be more supportive than trying to protect others from sadness. It’s okay if each family member experiences the season differently. Shared grief does not require shared coping.
When Grief Feels Too Heavy to Carry Alone
There are times when the weight of grief becomes overwhelming — when emotions feel unmanageable, isolation deepens, or daily functioning becomes difficult. Reaching out for additional support during these moments is not a weakness. Grief counseling, support groups, or trusted professionals can provide a space where your experience is seen and understood.
You deserve support, especially during a season that asks so much of the heart.
A Closing Reflection
Grief changes over time, but it does not disappear because the calendar turns or the holidays arrive. Love remains, even in absence. This season does not define your healing, nor does it determine how well you are grieving.
Move through the holidays in a way that honors both your loss and your limits. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can — and that is enough.