A Therapist's Guide to Goal-Setting for the New Year
As the new year begins, many of us feel inspired to set big resolutions — promising ourselves that this will be the year we finally get healthier, more organized, more balanced, more everything. But despite our best intentions, most resolutions fade by the end of January. This isn’t a sign of weakness or lack of willpower; it’s usually a sign that our goals weren’t designed to support how humans actually change. In therapy, we focus on goals that feel sustainable, compassionate, and aligned with who you are — not who you think you “should” be.
A helpful place to begin is with reflection rather than resolutions. Before deciding what needs to change, take a moment to consider what the last year taught you.
What energized you?
What drained you?
What emotional needs were unmet?
Self-reflection is a powerful therapeutic tool because it helps ensure your goals come from your personal values rather than outside pressure or comparison. When goals are anchored in values — like connection, growth, or wellbeing — they tend to last longer, feel meaningful, and support your mental health more effectively.
Another shift that can make a tremendous difference is focusing on behaviors instead of identity. Many people set goals like “be more confident,” “be less anxious,” or “be more patient,” but these are states of being, not actionable steps. In therapy, we work with behavioral goals because they create clarity and momentum.
Instead of aiming to “be more confident,” you might aim to practice speaking up once in meetings.
Instead of “reduce anxiety,” you could commit to using a grounding exercise during stressful moments.
Behavioral goals give you something concrete to practice, and over time, these small actions reshape how you feel.
It also helps to keep goals small and flexible. The research on behavior change shows that the brain responds best to tiny, consistent steps — so small that they feel almost too easy. This kind of incremental progress releases dopamine, which strengthens motivation and reinforces the habit. Flexibility is equally important. Life is unpredictable, and rigid goals often crumble the moment something unexpected happens.
A useful framework is the SMART-ER model where goals should be:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time-bound
Evaluated regularly
Revised when needed
Adjusting your goals isn’t failure; it’s psychological resilience.
Planning for obstacles can be just as important as planning for success. In cognitive behavioral therapy, we often use “if-then” planning, which simply means deciding ahead of time how you’ll respond when things get difficult.
For example: “If I feel too tired to go to the gym, then I’ll stretch at home for five minutes instead.”
This reduces decision fatigue and keeps you moving forward, even when motivation dips. And don’t forget to build in rest. Sustainable change requires a regulated nervous system, and rest is essential for emotional balance, creativity, and long-term follow-through.
Throughout the process, try to track your progress with curiosity rather than judgment. Reflecting monthly or weekly doesn’t mean evaluating yourself harshly — it means noticing what helped, what got in the way, and what needs adjusting. Self-compassion plays a huge role in goal sustainability. Research consistently shows that people who treat themselves with kindness when they struggle are more resilient and more likely to stay committed over time.
Ultimately, effective goal setting isn’t about reinventing yourself each January. It’s about choosing meaningful, manageable actions that support the life you want to build — one small step at a time. When goals are rooted in your values, supported by realistic expectations, and approached with compassion, they become something more powerful than a resolution: they become a path toward lasting change.