Grief in Times of Transition
You’ve just given your defense. You’ve passed! The cumulation of the last two years of your life have brought you to this moment, and you’re now a graduate! You have your bachelors, masters, PhD. You’ve done it! At first come feelings of elation and relief. Inside, you’re bouncing up and down and feeling giddy. This is followed by a wave of exhaustion and the urge to sleep.
The next morning, it hits you. It’s over. Decades of academic toil, blood, sweat and tears. There’s no more school in your future. The structure and routine you’ve relied on and grown accompanied to is no more. You think to yourself, What now? It feels overwhelming. Crippling. What will keep you in line now? Suddenly, emotions of grief sweep over you.
Types of Transitions that Provoke Grief
When we think about the different types of transitions in our life, we don’t often associate them with grief. After all, in our culture, grief and loss are often linked with death-related circumstances. But, grief and loss can show up with situations that don’t involve death in the traditional sense. Some of these include, but are not limited to:
Moving/relocation
Divorce
Loss of job
Loss of relationship
Graduation
Chronic Illness
Estrangement
Retirement
Transitions Can Feel Overwhelming
Transitioning out of our comfort zones can feel huge and overwhelming. This can be graduating from college, moving out of a house, or adjusting to a new relationship status. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions during this time – both negative and positive. It’s normal. Yet, it can be confusing and disorienting at the same time. It can feel like you’re caught between two worlds and feel unsure of what to feel or how to process. Perhaps one set of emotions even feels wrong. But no. Both are correct. Both things can exist at once.
There is no right or wrong way to decide how to process. Sometimes it’s just a matter of processing as the emotions come up. If you feel giddy and elated, feel that. If you feel sad and overwhelmed with feelings of grief, feel that. If you feel both at the same time, give yourself grace and sit with each side.
Grief in Transitions
One of the most confusing emotions you might feel during a transitional period is grief. You may wonder why grief has come up or even if it’s appropriate for the situation you’re navigating, because isn’t grief only associated with the loss of someone? Not at all. Grief shows up whenever there is a loss of any kind.
Going back to the graduation example. You’ve achieved something amazing! You’ve finished school! After long last, you have your degree and can finally begin your career! While this is exciting and something worth celebrating, there is also a sense of loss that comes with it.
Like aforementioned, the structure and routine. The sense of community. The set schedule. The friends and teachers. Maybe even your dorm or off-campus apartment where you spent a good portion of your days studying and living. Now it’s up to you to create your own schedule, structure and routine. To go out and build your own community. Make new friends and connections. This can feel scary and can also evoke feelings of grief because you’re losing a land of familiarity.
So, if you’re going through this, know that it’s normal. Nothing is wrong with you. You’re not crazy for feeling this way. You’re grieving and it’s okay. A chapter of your life is closing, and a pretty significant one. For most of us, we start school when we are single digits. Graduating decades later and leaving that behind is a big deal.
Ways to Navigate the Grief
Journal. If you find benefit in writing things out to process, journaling is a great way to navigate grief. Write out what you’re feeling. The emotions. The thoughts. Any questions you may have. Don’t worry about grammar or spelling or if anyone else is going to see it. Your journal is for you.
Go for a walk. Physical movement and being out in nature can be another great way to navigate grief. There’s just something out being outside in the fresh air that is soothing and calming. If you find this to be true for you, try taking a walk. Listen to the birds. Feel the sunshine on your skin. The wind in your hair. Breathe deeply in and out.
Sit with the emotions. This may be the most challenging way to navigate grief, but it’s important. Find a quiet place where you can be alone. Sit with the grief. Feel it. Pair it with a song or type of music that you feel fits. Acknowledge what you’re feeling and breathe in and out. Tell yourself it’s okay that you’re feeling this way. This part of your life was special to you, and it’s okay to feel sad that it’s changing.
Seek help from a professional. Know that you’re not alone in your struggle, and it’s okay to reach out to talk to a mental health professional, therapist, and counselor. If you or someone you know is going through a transition that is causing feelings of grief and loss, don’t hesitate to send us a message! We are here to help and have tools that can make navigating this difficult time smoother for you.