Death, Grief, and Culture: Honoring the Different Languages of Loss
Grief is one of the few experiences that binds every human being. No matter where we live, what language we speak, or what we believe, death will visit our lives and force us to face the loss. The ways we grieve, or how we mourn, remember, and make meaning of death, varies from culture to culture. Understanding these differences can help us be gentler with ourselves and others. It reminds us that there’s no single “right” way to grieve.
In mental health, grief is described as a natural and adaptive response to death or loss. It is not a sign of weakness, rather it’s a reflection of a deep attachment. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross changed how we view grief by initially using a linear timeline to describe the five stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and further shifted this focus to a more fluid model where individuals can experience the five stages in a different order, or even skip some entirely.
Grief is Universal AND Culture Shapes How it Feels
Grief affects the mind, body, and relationships. Most people experience sadness, yearning, fatigue, and even disbelief after a death. Yet research shows that culture influences how those emotions are expressed and understood.
A global review published in Global Mental Health (2023) found that grief is biologically universal yet socially shaped. In some cultures, expressing deep sorrow publicly is expected; in others, people are encouraged to stay composed to protect family harmony. Neither is wrong; both are cultural expressions of love and loss.
In a cross-cultural analysis, psychologist Paul Rosenblatt noted that while the feeling of grief is shared worldwide, “grieving rules,” what you can or cannot say, wear, or do, differ dramatically across societies. These norms give people structure when everything else feels uncertain.
Rituals Help Us Heal
Rituals, whether spiritual, cultural, or personal, play a powerful role in healthy grieving.
A 2024 review in Frontiers in Psychology found that mourning rituals in East and Southeast Asia, including ancestor worship, family gatherings, and acts of remembrance, were linked to healthier adjustment after loss.
Another study from Frontiers in Psychiatry (2022) showed that when COVID-19 restrictions disrupted funerals and rituals, rates of complicated or prolonged grief increased. Losing access to cultural rituals made it harder for many to find closure.
Research in Death Studies (2021) also demonstrated that even small, symbolic acts (writing a goodbye letter, planting a tree, lighting a candle) helped people cope when traditional rituals weren’t possible.
Rituals help us feel connected, to each other, to the past, and to the person who died.
Grieving Across Cultures
While the internal feeling of grief is individual, the external process of mourning is a social contract. As noted by researchers like Paul C. Rosenblatt in his foundational work, Grief and Mourning in Cross-Cultural Perspective, grief is fundamentally a "culturally shaped experience." Culture provides a script, a blueprint for navigating the immense changes that loss brings, often dictating the boundaries of acceptable emotional expression.
Consider the stark differences in emotional expression. In some Western societies, stoicism may be quietly valued, encouraging a private and controlled display of tears. Conversely, in traditions like the Balinese, visible public crying might be actively discouraged to ensure the deceased's smooth transition to the afterlife, placing priority on the spirit’s journey over the individual’s immediate distress.
Mexico: Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) blends grief with joy. Families build colorful altars, offer favorite foods, and celebrate with music and candles. It’s a way of keeping love alive through remembrance.
Japan: During Obon, families welcome ancestral spirits back to the world of the living. Lanterns are lit, dances performed, and the boundary between life and death feels thin but peaceful.
Ghana: Funerals are lively, communal events. Bright colors, drumming, and dancing celebrate the person’s life. The funeral is both a goodbye and a recognition that the deceased continues on as an ancestor.
Ireland: The traditional wake invites family and friends to gather, share stories, and laugh as well as cry. It’s communal healing through memory and connection.
United States and Western Europe: Grief is often treated as private and individual. While support groups and counseling are increasingly common, the emphasis tends to be on emotional processing rather than ritual continuity.
Other cultures impose highly structured, time-bound approaches:
Jewish Mourning: This tradition mandates a defined sequence, providing a rigid yet comforting framework. The process begins with Shiva (seven days of intense communal mourning where the bereaved refrain from work and receive visitors), transitions to Shloshim (a thirty-day period of semi-mourning), and concludes with Avelut (the full year of mourning for a parent). This structure manages the immense burden of loss by breaking it into manageable phases, supported entirely by the community.
Tibetan Buddhism: The approach to death in Tibetan communities, particularly the practice of Sky Burial (or Jhatorma), prioritizes the continuity of the spirit. Due to both geographical constraints and the philosophical belief that the body is merely an empty vessel after the consciousness has departed, the physical remains are ritually offered to nature (often vultures). The intense focus is on prayers and rituals conducted over 49 days to guide the consciousness (or Bardo) toward a favorable rebirth, completely detaching the mourning process from attachment to the physical corpse.
New Orleans Jazz Funeral (American Micro-culture): This vibrant, syncretic tradition illustrates a ritualized shift from sorrow to celebration. The procession begins with somber dirges on the way to the cemetery, but after the burial, the "second line" erupts in energetic, celebratory music and dancing. This ritual moves the community from acknowledging the sadness of death to celebrating the life that was lived.
Books like Death and Bereavement Across Cultures further detail the richness of these rituals, demonstrating that in many African and Asian belief systems, death is viewed not as a definitive end, but as a transition where ancestors remain actively involved in the lives of the living.
When Cultural Norms Collide
For individuals living outside their culture of origin, such as immigrants or refugees, the grieving process can become agonizingly complex. They may experience what one study termed "elusive closure," feeling disconnected from the rituals or community support that would traditionally ground them.
A prime example is found in Latino/Mexican American Communities. For many, traditions like the annual Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) are essential rites of remembrance. Families build intricate altars (ofrendas) to welcome the spirits back home for a visit. This practice maintains an "active bond" with the deceased. If this individual seeks mental health support and encounters a clinician operating from a purely Western model that emphasizes "letting go" or "breaking ties" with the deceased, the advice may clash with deeply held spiritual and cultural values, leading to further distress.
Similarly, within many East Asian cultures (e.g., Chinese or Korean), emotional restraint is valued for maintaining family and social harmony. Grief may therefore manifest as somatic symptoms (physical ailments like headaches, stomach problems, or fatigue) rather than overt emotional expression. For a mental health provider, a culturally informed approach is essential to recognize these physical complaints as expressions of deep psychological distress.
Our role is not to impose a timeline or a "right way" to feel, but to ask: What does your culture teach you about death? What rituals do you need to complete? What does a healthy, ongoing relationship with the deceased look like for you now?
By approaching grief with curiosity, respect, and a willingness to learn the cultural script of each individual, we can help people find peace and meaning in their own, unique way. We honor the diversity of the human spirit by honoring the diversity of the global heart in mourning.
The Psychology Behind Cultural Grief
Modern psychology increasingly recognizes what cultures have always known: grief isn’t just emotional, it’s social and spiritual.
A 2020 study in the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology found that people from collectivist cultures, where community and family are central, tend to rely on shared mourning rituals that buffer against isolation. In contrast, people from individualist cultures may internalize grief and feel more alone, sometimes increasing vulnerability to depression or prolonged grief disorder.
Rituals, community, and meaning-making can act as protective factors. When those are missing, for example, due to migration, isolation, or global crises, the grieving process can become more difficult.
Finding What Works for You
You don’t have to follow anyone else’s script for grief. Evidence-based research offers several insights for healing, no matter your background:
Acknowledge your grief. Avoiding or minimizing loss tends to prolong suffering.
Connect to ritual. Participate in traditional ceremonies if possible, or create your own. Symbolic acts such as lighting a candle, writing a letter, visiting a special place, can restore a sense of connection.
Lean on community. Social support consistently predicts healthier adjustment after loss.
Allow time. Grief is not linear. Studies on prolonged grief disorder show a range of variability; there is no deadline for healing.
Seek help when needed. If grief remains intense for a long time or interferes with daily life, professional support can help.
Grief is not something to “get over.” It’s something we learn to live with, and each culture offers its own wisdom on how to carry it. Whether through prayer, song, silence, or storytelling, mourning connects us to what matters most: love, memory, and community. When we understand how differently people grieve, we can better support each other and ourselves through one of life’s hardest, most universal experiences.
Leanne Sudbeck, MSW, SWLC
References
Loo, S. L. et al. (2024). Mourning rituals in East and Southeast Asia: Cultural meaning and adjustment after loss. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1410219.
Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2023). Bereavement issues and prolonged grief disorder: A global perspective. Global Mental Health, 10, e55.
Burrell, A., & Selman, L. (2022). COVID-19 and the disruption of grief rituals: Implications for prolonged grief disorder. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 13, 878818.
Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving. Scribner.
Varga, M. A., & Luecken, L. J. (2021). Symbolic rituals and grief processing: Effects on meaning and emotion regulation. Death Studies, 45(8), 611–623.
Parkes, C. M. (2018). Love and Loss: The Roots of Grief and Its Complications. Routledge.
Rosenblatt, P. C. (2008). Grief Across Cultures: A Review and Commentary. Death Studies, 32(7), 603–610.
Boelen, P. A., & Lenferink, L. I. M. (2020). Prolonged Grief Disorder in cross-cultural context: Diagnostic and cultural considerations. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 51(8), 722–739.
Neimeyer, R. A. (Ed.). (2012). Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved. Routledge.