Book Review: How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed by Megan Devine
Grief is one of life's most universal experiences, yet it is also one of the least understood. Many of us are taught to "move on," "stay strong," or look for a silver lining after a significant loss. In How to Carry What Can't Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief, psychotherapist and grief advocate Megan Devine offers a refreshing alternative: instead of trying to fix grief, she invites readers to make space for it.
A Compassionate Approach to Grief
Unlike traditional self-help books that focus on overcoming difficult emotions, Devine acknowledges a simple but powerful truth that some losses cannot be fixed. Whether you have experienced the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a life-changing diagnosis, or another profound loss, grief is not a problem to solve, but an experience to carry.
This guided journal encourages readers to explore their emotions without judgment. Through thoughtful prompts, reflective exercises, and gentle encouragement, Devine creates a safe space for readers to express feelings that may otherwise remain unspoken.
One of the journal's greatest strengths is its validation. Rather than encouraging readers to rush toward acceptance or healing, Devine reminds us that grief looks different for everyone. There is no timeline, no checklist, and no "right" way to grieve.
The journal prompts are intentionally open-ended, allowing readers to engage at their own pace. Some invite storytelling and remembrance, while others focus on self-compassion, identifying sources of support, or simply acknowledging difficult emotions. This flexibility makes the journal approachable whether someone is newly grieving or revisiting a loss years later.
As both a licensed therapist and someone who has experienced devastating personal loss, Devine writes with authenticity and empathy. Her approach reflects trauma-informed principles by emphasizing emotional safety, autonomy, and self-compassion. Rather than encouraging readers to suppress painful emotions, she helps normalize the reality that grief often includes sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, relief, love, and even moments of joy, sometimes occurring within the same day.
This perspective can be incredibly comforting for those who worry they are "grieving wrong."
Who Would Benefit From This Journal?
This journal may be especially helpful for:
Individuals grieving the death of a loved one
Those coping with major life transitions or non-death losses
People who struggle to express emotions verbally
Clients working with a therapist on grief-related concerns
Anyone seeking a gentle companion between therapy sessions
Because the prompts are flexible, readers can complete them over days, weeks, or even years, returning whenever they feel ready.
A Few Considerations
While the journal offers meaningful support, it is not intended to replace professional mental health care. Individuals experiencing complicated grief, trauma, severe depression, or thoughts of self-harm may benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional alongside journaling.
Additionally, some prompts may bring up intense emotions. Readers should approach the journal at their own pace and take breaks when needed.
Gabbi Niemi, MSW, LCSW
Reference
Devine, M. (2021). How to carry what can't be fixed: A journal for grief. St. Martin's Essentials.