Becoming a New Parent: What No One Tells You (but Should)
Whether you’ve just given birth, adopted, fostered, or welcomed a baby through another path, becoming a parent is a game changer, and it’s okay to admit that it may not be entirely what you expected.
"I Thought I Would Feel Different!"
There is a lot of pressure - from social media, books, even well-meaning family and friends - to feel only joy when a baby arrives. But the truth is: parenthood ushers in a wide range of emotions.
It’s beautiful.
It’s terrifying.
It’s overwhelming.
It’s confusing.
It’s exhausting.
And it’s completely normal to feel all those things - sometimes all at once.
You might find yourself feeling:
Deep love and awe for your child
Pride in your new role
Confusion about who you are now, and what to do next
Guilt or fear that you’re doing it wrong
Overwhelm, exhaustion, or even numbness
Grief for your “pre-baby” routines, independence, or sense of self
These feelings can impact any parent, at any time!
Everything is new. You are adjusting to a new identity, a new relationship, and an entirely different rhythm of life. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment or self-criticism, and tune out the critics!
Let’s Talk About Mental Health
Many new parents experience a wide range of emotional, physical, relational, and practical challenges. These can impact any parent, regardless of how they became a parent (biologically, through adoption, fostering, blended family, surrogacy, etc.).
Mental health challenges don’t care how much you love your baby, how grateful you are to have them as part of your family, or how long you waited for them to arrive. They can affect:
Biological mothers
Non-birthing parents
Fathers
Adoptive and foster parents
LGBTQ+ parents
Parents from all walks of life
Struggling with the transition into parenthood is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of a significant life change, and help is available.
Things That Make New Parenting Harder (And You're Not Alone If You're Facing Them)
Excessive worrying, racing thoughts, or fear that something bad will happen
Lack of sleep, irritability, and physical tension
Changing hormones or emotional fluctuations
Financial pressure or returning to work
Isolation from friends or your support network
Feeding, soothing, or bonding challenges
Grief, infertility, or trauma connected to your parenting journey
Comparing yourself to others or unrealistic expectations
Cultural, religious, or generational clashes
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need support, rest, and the freedom to be honest about what this season is really like.
Simple Reminders for New Parents
As you adjust to life with a new little one (or ones!), it’s important to remember:
You’re doing better than you think.
Your baby doesn’t need perfection - they need unconditional love, safety and security, and your presence.
Practice self-care: Sleep when you can, cry when you need to, eat something nourishing, and ask for help.
Caring for yourself if not selfish – it is vital. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s okay to miss your old life and love your new one at the same time.
Trust your intuition - if something feels wrong, seek appropriate help. When something feels right for you and your child. You’re allowed to do what works best for your family.
When to Ask for Help
Reach out for support if you’re:
Crying often or feeling persistent sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness
Constantly anxious or panicked
Struggling to sleep or eat – or doing either excessively
Feeling disconnected from your baby or yourself
Having scary thoughts or imagining worst-case scenarios
Feeling guilt or shame, or that you are failing or a “bad parent”
If you're having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please seek help immediately. Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or talk to someone you trust. You are not alone.
What Can Help?
Practice Kindness Toward Yourself
No one has this all figured out. Some days every parent feels like they’re climbing a hill of sand. You are not failing. Parenting is hard work, and you’re doing your best.
Therapy
Talking with a licensed therapist, especially one trained in perinatal or parenting-related mental health, can help you process your feelings and learn effective coping strategies.
Medication
Speak with your doctor about options if you’re feeling persistently low, anxious, or stuck. They may prescribe medication that can help support you during this time of change.
Support Groups
You don’t have to walk this journey alone. There are many no cost support groups for new parents who understand what you’re going through.
Self-Care & Compassion
Even small acts of selfcare, such as taking a shower, eating a healthy meal, stepping outside, or letting someone hold the baby while you rest, can help calm your nervous system. You deserve care and support too.
Final Thoughts
Becoming a parent changes everything, including you. That transition takes time, tenderness, and support. Resist the urge to compare yourself to others. Trust your instincts and enjoy your new adventure, and remember:
“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to; it’s not for them.”
Resources for All Parents
Local Parent Support Groups: There are several parent support groups within the Bozeman area. Search “Bozeman new parent support group,” to find the group that best suits your needs.
Postpartum Support International (PSI) – https://postpartum.net
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – Call or text 988, 24/7
Monique M. Schofield, MA, PCLC
References
Clarke-Fields, H. (2019). Raising good humans: A mindful guide to breaking the cycle of reactive parenting and raising kind, confident kids. New Harbinger Publications.
Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2007). And baby makes three: The six-step plan for preserving marital intimacy and rekindling romance after baby arrives. Crown Publishers.
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. TarcherPerigee.