TV Through a Therapist’s Lens: Shrinking
In my last TV Through a Therapist's Lens post, I explored some of the relationship lessons hidden within Modern Family. This time, we're taking a look at a show that people have actually asked me about specifically: Shrinking.
As you can probably imagine, a show centered around therapists tends to spark a lot of questions. While Shrinking is hilarious and genuinely entertaining, it also provides a great opportunity to talk about therapy ethics, boundaries, grief, and healing.
The show follows Jimmy, a therapist who has lost his wife and is raising his teenage daughter, Alice. He works alongside two other therapists. First, there is Paul, an experienced clinician who has spent his entire career in the field and often serves as a mentor and consultant. Then there is Gaby, a therapist who brings a lot of life, humor, and energy to the office.
After his wife's death, Jimmy struggles deeply with grief. He turns to substances and engages in a lot of risky behavior (to put it professionally), and the show largely centers around him finally beginning to face his loss.
My takeaway from the show is fairly simple, and most people can probably guess where I'm going with this. Even so, I think it's worth saying.
Therapy Lesson #1: Boundaries Matter
In no way, shape, or form should you ever have a therapist who does what Jimmy does.
Now, to be fair, the show intentionally takes things to extremes. It is also genuinely hilarious. But it does create an opportunity to talk about ethics in therapy and why boundaries matter.
Most viewers can immediately recognize that moving a client into your home would be wildly inappropriate. However, that often leads to a bigger question: what actually is ethical in therapy?
Over the years, I have heard many stories from loved ones, clients, and colleagues about therapy experiences that involved significant ethical concerns. Some are obvious. Others are much more subtle.
As a disclaimer, ethics is not always black and white. There are plenty of gray areas, and ethical decision-making can be challenging at times. That is one reason ethical therapists seek regular consultation with trusted colleagues and often have therapists of their own.
At the end of the day, therapists are people. Being a therapist is a profession, not a personality type. Because of that, it is important for clients to understand what healthy therapeutic boundaries look like.
Therapy is relational at its core, but the relationship is different from a friendship. While self-disclosure can sometimes be used thoughtfully and therapeutically, the focus should remain on the client. A therapist should be mindful of how much personal information they share and how that information might impact the therapeutic relationship.
Another commonly missed ethical red flag is when a therapist begins judging, directing, or pushing a client toward a specific decision.
Most clients have said some version of:
"I know you can't tell me what to do, but what should I do?"
Honestly, that would make things so much easier.
Unfortunately, that is not how therapy works. While therapists can help clients explore options, identify values, and consider consequences, the goal is not to make decisions for them.
Sometimes pressure can be subtle. If you find yourself feeling like you need to please your therapist, agree with them, or make choices to gain their approval, it may be worth paying attention to that feeling.
Of course, sometimes that pressure comes from our own internal experiences rather than the therapist. Either way, trust your gut and talk about it if something feels off.
Therapy Lesson #2: Grief Requires Connection
While Shrinking takes significant liberties with ethics and professional boundaries, there is something the show portrays remarkably well: grief.
Loss changes people.
Jimmy spends much of the show trying to avoid, outrun, or numb the pain of losing his wife. Like many people experiencing complicated grief, he becomes disconnected from himself, his relationships, and the life he once knew.
What I appreciate most is that the show does not suggest healing happens because someone finds the perfect coping skill or has a breakthrough moment. Healing begins because people continue showing up.
Friends show up.
Family shows up.
Coworkers show up.
Community shows up.
As the series progresses, Jimmy slowly begins finding pieces of life outside of his grief because the people around him continue to care about him, challenge him, and support him.
Once again, the lesson comes back to something I find myself writing about often: it takes a community.
While grief is deeply personal, healing rarely happens in complete isolation. Sometimes the people around us cannot fix the pain, but they can help us carry it until we are ready to carry a little more of it ourselves.