Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism: Shifting Internal Dialogue
“I have a lot of negative self-talk. I’m not very kind to myself when I speak to or about myself. I often beat myself up when I feel badly about myself.”
Any of those sound like you? These are very common statements I hear from clients all the time. Negative self-talk seems to run rampant in our brains, and it’s all too easy to do. The thing is: what if we offered ourselves a way to speak more positively and kindly to ourselves? What would change?
What is Self-Compassion?
Before we can explore self-compassion vs. self-criticism, we first need to explore what self-compassion even is. In short, self-compassion is giving yourself the same response you would a friend. That’s it. Think about that for a minute. The things you tell yourself, would you say the same thing to a friend? Of course not! We would respond with warmth, encouragement, and kindness.
So, why is it okay that we talk horribly to ourselves? What if we spoke to ourselves like we would a friend?
Self-Compassion vs. Self-Criticism
So, if self-compassion means giving ourselves kindness and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, self-criticism is the exact opposite of that. It’s ignoring our pain and beating ourselves up. It’s allowing ourselves to speak negatively about and to ourselves, completely ruining our day and mood. It’s being cold and harsh with our imperfections instead of warm and supportive.
That said, what would it be like to flip that around and only give ourselves self-compassion and encouragement like we would a friend? To be our own friend, coach, mentor, or cheerleader.
What would we say differently? How would our inner dialogue change? How would our view of ourselves change?
Putting It Into Practice
Giving ourselves inner support and positive self-talk allows us to feel safe and puts us in a healthier frame of mind to cope with any and all challenges we may face, or to make needed changes in our lives. So, instead of criticizing ourselves and making ourselves feel worse for whatever imperfection or shortcoming we may be perceiving, let’s be kind and offer ourselves self-compassion. Let’s confront our feelings and failings with gentleness and understanding. After all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?
Here are a variety of ways you can develop self-compassion within yourself:
Stop being hard on yourself
Handle difficult emotions with compassion and greater ease
Stand up for yourself and validate your needs
Motivate yourself with encouragement rather than criticism
The relationship you have with yourself shapes everything else. Why not make it one rooted in compassion?