Self-Care at the End of the School Year: Regulating Yourself in a Season of Overload
As the school year winds down, many parents find themselves running on fumes. The calendars are packed, routines are fraying, and patience can feel harder to access. I want to speak to this not just as a therapist, but as a parent raising strong-willed, “powerful” kids—kids with big feelings, sharp instincts, and a remarkable ability to keep me honest about my own regulation. This time of year tends to expose the limits of our capacity. And rather than seeing that as failure, I want to reframe it as information. You are not doing it wrong. You are doing something that is inherently demanding.
Regulation Over Perfection
One of the most grounding concepts from Dr. Becky Kennedy is the idea that parenting is less about getting it “right” and more about repair and regulation. The goal is not to remain calm at all times—it’s to return to yourself when you inevitably get dysregulated.
In my own home, that might look like snapping during the third argument over homework, then circling back later with:
"I didn’t like how I handled that. I’m working on staying calmer when things feel overwhelming."
That repair does more than perfection ever could. It models accountability, nervous system recovery, and emotional safety.
Your Nervous System Is the Foundation
Insights from one of my favorite podcast; Huberman Lab with Dr. Becky Kennedy episode 165 reinforce what many of us already intuit clinically: your nervous system state directly shapes your child’s experience.
When you are chronically depleted, your threshold for stress lowers. Reactivity increases. Nuance disappears. So self-care here isn’t indulgent—it’s neurobiological maintenance. Some realistic anchors (not aspirational, but doable):
Micro-regulation moments: 2–5 minutes of intentional breathing between transitions (car line, bathroom break, before walking into the house)
Light exposure + movement: even a short walk around the block can shift baseline mood and stress tolerance
Reducing cognitive load: write things down instead of holding them mentally
These are not extras. They are interventions.
Powerful Kids Need Anchored Adults
If you’re parenting a child who is intense, sensitive, persistent, or emotionally expressive, you already know: traditional compliance-based parenting often escalates things. These kids don’t need more control. They need more containment, and containment doesn’t mean shutting things down—it means:
Staying steady when they are not
Holding boundaries without emotional collapse
Not personalizing their dysregulation
This is hard to do when you are already depleted.Which brings us back to self-care—not as bubble baths and checklists, but as capacity-building.
Redefining Self-Care in This Season
At the end of the school year, self-care often needs to be stripped down to its most essential form:
Saying no to one extra obligation
Letting something be “good enough”
Taking 10 minutes alone in your car before going inside
Asking for help without over-explaining or justifying and sometimes, self-care is internal:
Noticing the part of you that feels like you’re failing
Offering it some compassion instead of criticism
Remembering that your kids don’t need a perfect parent—they need a regulated, repairing one
A Final Reframe
If things feel harder right now, it doesn’t mean you’re regressing. It likely means your system is overloaded and if you’re raising powerful kids, the work is not to quiet them—it’s to strengthen your own internal steadiness so you can meet them where they are without losing yourself. That’s the work and it’s real work.
If you’re tired, it makes sense.
If you’re overwhelmed, it tracks.
And if you keep showing up, repairing, and trying again—you are doing something profoundly important.
You don’t need to finish the school year perfectly. You just need to stay in relationship—with your child, and with yourself.
Erin Awes, MSW, SWLC, LAC
Reference
Huberman Lab Protocols for Excellent Parenting &Improving Relationships of all kinds Dr. Becky Kennedy. Episode 165