Replacing Self-Criticism with Self-Kindness

Many of us are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. When someone we care about is struggling, we are patient, understanding, and reassuring. When we are struggling, however, we often respond with criticism, pressure, or shame. We may tell ourselves that we “should do better” or “just get over it.” Over time, those self-critical thoughts can become exhausting and harmful. They don’t motivate us in the way we might think they do.

Applying the kindness we give others to ourselves doesn’t mean avoiding responsibility or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it means recognizing that we are human and that life can be difficult sometimes.

When we practice self-kindness, we allow ourselves to respond to difficult situations with care instead of judgment. Harvard psychologist Christopher Germer suggests several everyday ways to practice self-compassion, including caring for the body, responding to emotional pain with understanding, and treating ourselves with the same encouragement we would offer a close friend (Harvard Health Publishing, 2024).

These approaches challenge the habit of trying to motivate ourselves through criticism. For many people, this shift can feel uncomfortable at first, but it is an important skill to develop. Even small acts of kindness toward ourselves can gradually change the way we experience stress, setbacks, and even success.

One of the simplest ways to practice self-kindness is by treating ourselves the way we treat the people around us. You deserve the same level of care you give to others.

Self-kindness isn’t about being perfect at being kind to yourself. It is about noticing when you are being harsh with yourself and choosing to respond with compassion instead.

Brennah Bell, MSW, SWLC

References and Resources

Chris Germer’s website:
https://chrisgermer.com/

Harvard Health Publishing. (2024). The power of self-compassion. Harvard Medical School.