Kid Connections: 5 Easy Ways to Connect with Your Kids
Raising children is rewarding and wonderful — and sometimes challenges us to the very fibers of our being. As humans, we’re wired for connection. We want to feel close with those who mean the most to us. These moments of connection and safety are even more important for kids as they form their sense of safety and attachment style that will inform how they relate to others throughout life. Of course, as parents, we want the best for them; AND it can be so hard to balance those moments of presence and connection with the other necessary and demanding parts of daily life. So, here are five easy ways that you can connect with your kid(s) and build presence, safety, and an authentic relationship while leaving brain space for the necessities.
1. Validate
I know this may sound too simple, but validation of feelings, moments, and behaviors (both big and small) goes a long way towards long-term connection with our kids. Validation doesn’t always mean I agree with you. Instead, it says I see you.
This may look like validating an emotion:
“You’re feeling so mad that sister took your toy. I understand! I don’t like it when people take my things either. Do you want to hit a pillow or have a tight hug?”
“Gosh, it IS so hard to go to school some days. You’re feeling really upset that it’s a school day. Would you like to try some deep breathing with me or find a special pocket object that will remind you of how much I love you today?”
“You look really bummed out about your test today. I just want to say that I empathize. It’s so hard when we don’t do as well on something as we think we could have. Maybe you’re feeling disappointed in yourself?”
Remember that your presence and authentic, caring self showing up in these moments will offer safety through connection that can help calm their nervous systems and let them know that you are a safe person who they can come to for support with their feelings, no matter how big or small.
2. Include Them in Your Activities
While your little kids may not be able to cook a whole dinner, and your teenagers may not want to cook dinner with you, finding ways to include them in your activities is a great chance to bond and build connection while also ticking things off of your to-do list. Being present in these moments and inviting them into your world can give you both a glimpse into the others’ lives and processes while creating opportunities to teach, be taught, and do things as a family.
Some examples may look like:
Encouraging the 1 year old to put the wet clothes into the dryer that you hand them (slowly, one piece at a time) from the washer.
Let the 3 year old pour the pre-measured pancake ingredients into the bowl and stir it.
Let the 6 year old help clean the rug by lugging it outside and hitting it with a broom. Take turns or use two brooms to work together.
Support the 12 year old in creating, shopping for, and cooking a meal. It can be as simple or as complex as they want, as long as you’re doing it together!
Have “hobby-swaps” with the teenager. They teach you about one of their hobbies, and you try to do it – be all in! And then swap, and you teach them about one of your favorite hobbies (now or when you were a teenager).
3. Choose Some “Together” Times
It’s so easy to be in the same room without being present with each other. To foster connection with your kids, try choosing a few “together times” throughout the day or week. These don’t have to be extravagant or lengthy. They’re just times when you can be intentionally present and connected with your kids. It can be a few minutes during play time, during a daily routine, over a meal, or a special time set aside during the week.
This might look like:
Playing hide-and-seek as soon as you get home from work.
“I’m home! I’m so happy to see you! But I bet you can hide so good I can’t find you! Ready, set, .... 1, 2 ....!”
Weekend breakfast chats. “I love eating breakfast with you and having time to spend together. Do you want to play Would You Rather or maybe talk about your friends?”
Friday family night. Bring the blankets, pillows, fort supplies, and snacks and create a cozy living room nest for everyone. Turn the lights down and a family-friendly movie on. Cuddle down and be present with everyone in the room; ask questions related to the movie or don’t. Just enjoy the moment with everyone close and present.
Pro tip: Keeping your phone and other electronic devices in a different room will help you stay present in this cozy, connected space.
4. Invent a Game
Who doesn’t love to have a little fun? Playing games can be incredibly connecting. Kid-connection games also don’t have to be structured or pre-determined. In fact, a spontaneous game often leaves everyone feeling positive and bonded. Of course, if your family liked more structured games, card games, board games, etc., of course use those too! Be creative and use what you have!
Some spontaneously invented games have included:
“Find the Sugar Bear”: a game where a grown-up pretends to find “sugar bears” in the child’s mouth during teeth-brushing.
“Missing Sock”: a game where a child intentionally hides a sock somewhere in the house because he is “going to find his friends” and then everyone scours the house trying to find Sock and his friends so they can go swimming together in the washing machine.
“Mime Me”: a game where one person (the Mime) cannot speak but uses body language to try to get another person (the Participant) to achieve some task (that is unknown to the Participant). When the participant has completed the task, there is lots of cheering, and the roles can switch, or the game can continue if desired. For instance, Mom Mime uses all her body language, dancing, motioning, etc. to try to get Kid Participant to put on two different colored shoes! Then Kid Mime tries to have Mom Participant put on a silly hat!
“Catch My Flub”: a game where someone tries to sneak words or sounds into a conversation without other people noticing. The others shout “Flub!” when they notice. Example: “I loved watching that mooooo-vie with you all yesterday.” Of course, this can be easier or harder depending on the competitors.
5. Have Special “Dates”
Especially if you have more than one child in your life, it may feel like it is hard to connect individually with each one. Planning special “dates” weekly or monthly can really amp-up the time you get to connect one-on-one with each other without extra distractions. Usually, planning these in advance is a good way to ensure there are few distractions during the set-aside time. It can be a half hour once a week in the house or walkable neighborhood, a couple hours out in town, or something else completely, as long as it speaks to things you like to do together that feels enriching and connecting for you both.
This may look like:
Being totally present with the baby at the park and exploring nature with them.
A tea party in the back yard with your young child and their stuffed animals.
A couple hours at an arcade with an older child.
A hiking trip with a teen.
A mutually enjoyed craft or hobby.
Shopping
Going to a restaurant or cooking a special meal together
Seeing a movie
Anything that is a little special. Bonus points if the event is planned by the kid or, minimally, in collaboration with the child and what they feel would be connecting and fun together.
No matter how you choose to connect with your kids, remember that your presence is a present. Simply being present in the small moments can lead to big moments of connection, felt safety, fun, silliness, and even surprisingly deep conversations.
Allyssa Staker, MS, PCLC
References
O’Reilly, L. (2020). The introduction of attachment play in child and family social work; optimising connection, emotional release and supporting challenging behaviour. The Irish Social Worker, 67-76. https://www.gallore.ie/s/THE-INTRODUCTION-OF-ATTACHMENT-PLAY-IN-CHILD-AND-FAMILY-SOCIAL-WORK-OPTIMIZING-CONNECTION-EMOTIONAL.pdf
Henning, W. A. (2025). Attachment Made Simple: A Practical Handbook for Kids and Parents to Build Trust, Emotional Resilience, and Connection. Winifred Audrey Henning. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=X-Q7EQAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT6&dq=article+about+how+connecting+with+kids+through+play+is+helpful+in+their+attachment+style&ots=EG-P3M9bGS&sig=hg8wTDxDce5K6J6dQso6iHQbalU#v=onepage&q&f=false