How to Address a Setback in Your Therapy Process or Mental Health Journey
When considering a title for this post, I thought about “When Progress Doesn’t Feel Like Progress” and “Setbacks Are Not the Opposite of Progress.”
Our individual experiences, as well as research from scientists and mental health professionals, remind us that concepts such as success and failure, progress and setbacks, individuation and interconnection, and even permanence and impermanence can vary from person to person. These differences greatly influence how we experience and interpret the world.
This connects in an interesting way to our evolving understanding of time and how it may actually operate in the universe. Stick with the science for a moment. It may create some space for you to explore what a setback actually means to you.
Progress Is Not Always Linear
Try this idea on for size: Time is not the fixed, universal metronome our brains often assume it is. Physics shows us that time can “bend.” There is no single, universally shared “now.” Two people moving at different speeds can experience the timing and order of events differently, and neither perspective is necessarily wrong.
Gravity and speed can change how quickly time passes, a phenomenon known as time dilation. Time does not move in precisely the same way for everyone; it can speed up or slow down depending on how fast someone is moving and the strength of the gravity around them.
For example, someone flying in an airplane ages a tiny bit differently than someone standing still on the ground. The difference is far too small for us to feel, but it is real and measurable with precise clocks. This has been demonstrated through experiments involving atomic clocks and through the adjustments required for GPS satellites.
Our nervous system responses and thought processes also differ from person to person, influencing when and how we experience what happens around us. As humans, with our opposable thumbs and useful brains, we use the Gregorian calendar as our timeline. We track sunrises and heartbeats, not spacetime, to measure our experiences and create a sense of predictability and safety.
The straight, tidy timeline we feel we are living on—where things should happen in order, on schedule, and without moving backward—is not necessarily the whole truth. It may simply be the version our minds have built to help us function from day to day. Underneath that structure, things are likely murkier and less fixed than they sometimes feel.
This means you are not failing some universal schedule when a week does not go the way you hoped. Perhaps you are brushing up against how much more flexible and fluid progress actually is than the story we have been taught to tell ourselves.
When “I’m Back at Square One” Takes Over
So, what can you do with this perspective?
It may be especially useful in the moment a setback hits and an old story—something like, “I’m back at square one”—takes over. This framing can support cognitive reframing by giving you another lens to reach for besides the harshest one.
From there, the reframe often works best when paired with something your hands or body can actually do. Drawing from principles often used in Somatic Experiencing, you might try the following:
Name the skill you already have. Before reaching for something new, ask yourself what has worked before. Perhaps it is a grounding technique, a breathing exercise, or a phrase or mantra that has steadied you. Use it now, not because this moment demands something bigger, but because this skill is already yours.
Regulate before you reflect. If your body is activated, start there. Consider placing your feet firmly on the floor or standing barefoot in the grass. Try taking a few slow breaths, allowing your exhales through your mouth to be longer than your inhales through your nose, if that feels comfortable. You might also run cool water over your wrists or take a quick cold-hot-cold shower. The reframe may be easier to access once your nervous system has enough space to hear and feel it.
Write or say your intended reframe out loud. Do not only think it. Putting a statement such as, “This is one version of events, not the only one,” on paper or sharing it with a caring, trusted person can give you something concrete to return to when the old story tries to reassert itself.
Gentleness Is Part of the Work
If this perspective or any of these tools feels helpful or provides some relief, give it a try. It does not have to fit; it simply could.
And remember that underneath all of this, a hard week is still real. A perceived setback can feel visceral. It is okay to pause, acknowledge your emotions, and notice the thoughts connected to the disruption. Taking time to care for yourself is a wise choice.
Your difficult moment, day, week, or current phase does not cancel out who you are or the work you have already done. The parts of you that showed up before are still there. A setback does not erase your capacity; it may simply make that capacity temporarily harder to access.
You are allowed to be gentle with yourself here. That gentleness is not separate from the work. I am a firm believer that it is the work.
This can also be an opportunity to acknowledge the progress you have made. Look back at how far you have already come and allow that growth to become part of what carries you toward what is still ahead. Write it down, say it out loud to someone you trust, and celebrate your successes—even the ones that feel small.
Your mental health provider and the team at ACB are here for you.
Rachel Brown, MSW, SWLC
Resources
http://hyperphysics.phy-astr.gsu.edu/hbase/index.html
https://physicstoday.aip.org/features/relativity-and-the-global-positioning-system
https://www.livescience.com/what-is-time-dilation
traumahealing.org
behavioraltech.org