Befriending Unwanted Emotions by “Widening the Lens of Attention”
Taken in Knox County, Ohio by Virginia Warner
Have you ever noticed that when certain thoughts and strong emotions arise, it can feel like the walls are closing in? That sense of claustrophobia makes sense when you consider that the nervous system responds to perceived threats by narrowing our focus. As our bodies brace to defend against danger, we become laser-focused on survival. Soon, the thinking brain goes offline and (to quote a wise colleague of mine) it’s “lights out and the pigeon’s driving the bus.”
In her insightful and warmhearted book Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of the Buddha, psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach offers a mindfulness practice aimed at enlarging the field of attention when unwanted thoughts and feelings threaten to overwhelm us. Part visualization, part meditation, this exercise helps us stay connected to the noticing brain so we can calm the body with awareness and compassion. With mindful attention, we sit with unwanted thoughts and emotions rather than getting swept away or shutting down in an effort to avoid them.
Widening the Lens of Attention (adapted from Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach):
Visualize yourself sitting on a park bench. Bring to mind a distressing situation that’s causing your perspective to narrow. With curiosity and warmth, simply name whatever experience arises, say hello, and invite it to sit beside you on the bench.
Is it fear? No problem. Invite the fear to take a seat. What do you notice now? Perhaps it’s a voice telling you that you’re an imposter, inadequate, or bound to fail at your job. Okay, invite this feeling of inadequacy to take a seat next to the fear. Again, notice what comes up. Perhaps it’s a sensation: a tightness in your chest or a pit in your stomach. That’s okay. Just say hello and invite it to sit down.
With this welcoming attitude, continue inviting whatever arises to sit down on the bench. There’s plenty of space on this bench. Take a deep breath and notice any sounds around you. Do you hear birdsong or a breeze moving through nearby leaves? Notice the vastness of the sky. Can you sense the spaciousness around you, wide enough to hold your experience without overwhelming you? Do the distressing thoughts and feelings feel smaller within this spaciousness—still present, but less heavy, less solid, less all-consuming?
Over time, you might find that you can warmly bow to each thought and feeling lined up on the bench, thank them for sitting with you, and let them dissolve into the vast space of awareness.
Don’t be discouraged if this feels counterintuitive at first. Mindfulness takes practice. Just as exercise builds muscle, being present with compassion and awareness builds equanimity. When we practice being with our experience instead of running from it, we often discover that we can hold what arises with an open heart—befriending emotions and resting in spacious awareness. By widening the lens, we can step out of the claustrophobia of a narrow perspective and, with warmth and compassion, connect with even the unwanted parts of our experience.